her vagine was all disorganized.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
