We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
