two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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