Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There was a lot of him and a little penis
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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