At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
