sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
