Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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