First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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