i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
