my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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