The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Buhtt sex?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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