I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
