she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
