jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
