you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
