come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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