I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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