I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
bring money and cleavage
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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