I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Still dying that you shit outside
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
