The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
