you guys were way drunker than both of me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
