he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
