Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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