No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
