my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
