I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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