I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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