OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
the raccoons are back...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
