Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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