A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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