Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
