so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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