youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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