Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
