just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im six kinds of drunk right now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
