grandma shit on top of the toilet
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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