I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
