Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
