I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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