I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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