my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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