I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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