I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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