i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
