I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
