While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
