Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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