My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
