Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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