I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
