Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My cat gives me a boner
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
