I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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