I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
