Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
