your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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