Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
