i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
