so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
