I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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