Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
