Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
