I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
