I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
