i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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