If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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