Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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