Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
