I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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