NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
