explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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