glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
