dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
