i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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