4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
