Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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