This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
