Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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