You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
