Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
