How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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