Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
His nipple licking is glorious
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