i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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