nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
